Consequences Quotations

Peter Cook's play dialogue is peppered with memorable, non-sensical lines; my favourites are listed below (mostly the gnomic utterances of Walter).

 

Walter:

You can't teach ducks to dance

Rome wasn't burnt in a day

...nothing worth setting the Thames on fire for

If you're not a pigeon, don't eat corn. That's what I say.

The feast is more than enough

That's life: gone today, gone tomorrow

You know what my Dad said on his deathbed? I'll never forget his last words. He said 'I'm not dead y...' I think he was trying to tell me something.

There's no chicken without a stone.

You can't bend muck.

 

Blint:

Just one piece of advice you might be able to use: SEVENTEEN

It's not a good omen when goldfish commit suicide

I'm a reasonably skilled electrician. I was once asked to turn professional, but I don't think I'd've enjoyed the publicity.

 

Haig:

Ex parte teeth? I'll have to drink about that...

I'm sorry Roland, it seems to be developing in spite of everything. (To his goldfish, re. Polaroid photo of Lulu's teeth)

 

Miss Farthing, Haig's secretary:

I wonder if I could go home early. My niece is on fire. (To which Haig replies 'Same excuse every time')