Memorable quotations

Peter Cook’s play dialogue is peppered with memorable, non-sensical lines; some of my favourites are listed below (mostly the gnomic utterances of Walter).

Walter

You can’t teach ducks to dance.

Rome wasn't burnt in a day.

...nothing worth setting the Thames on fire for.

If you're not a pigeon, don’t eat corn. That’s what I say.

The feast is more than enough.

That's life: gone today, gone tomorrow.

You know what my Dad said on his deathbed? I'll never forget his last words. He said 'I'm not dead y...' I think he was trying to tell me something.

There’s no chicken without a stone.

You can’t bend muck.

Blint

Just one piece of advice you might be able to use: SEVENTEEN.

It’s not a good omen when goldfish commit suicide.

I’m a reasonably skilled electrician. I was once asked to turn professional, but I don’t think I’d’ve enjoyed the publicity.

Haig

Ex parte teeth? I'll have to drink about that...

I’m sorry Roland, it seems to be developing in spite of everything. (To his goldfish, re. Polaroid photo of Lulu's teeth)

Miss Farthing, Haig’s secretary

I wonder if I could go home early. My niece is on fire. (To which Haig replies 'Same excuse every time')