The Fat Duck

Intro to WS 91/1

Today was the 18th anniversary of me joining the BBC. Normally me and my fellow trainees go and have a cheap meal and drink too much and get unwell. This year we decided to do something nice. So we went to The Fat Duck for lunch.

A few quick points. It’s clearly the best restaurant I’ve ever been to, but that’s not saying much; my starter was the best thing I have ever tasted ever anywhere ever, but everything was amazing; it’s worth every penny.

Just so I don’t forget, this is what I had – on the a la carte menu:

  • Pommery grain mustard ice cream with red cabbage gazpacho
  • Oyster and Passion fruit Jelly with Lavender
  • Starter: Lasagne of Langoustine with Pig’s Trotter and Truffle
  • Ice-filtered lamb jelly with braised tongue and cucumber
  • Main course: Best end of lamb with onion and thyme fluid gel and hot pot of Lamb Neck, sweetbread and oyster. Never tasted lamb like it. Amazing.
  • Cheese course – amazing selection of French cheeses, couldn’t begin to tell you what they were but some soft, some blue, some goat’s…
  • Mrs Marshall Margaret’s Ice Cream Cornet
  • Pudding: Delice of Chocolate – chocolate sorbet with cumin caramel. This was a work of art – a pure shiny chocolate cylinder which looked solid but was soft to touch. I was told to ensure I sliced all the way through to the crunchy base with each mouthful – and I found out why. The cumin caramel base was infused with something like Space Dust – a 1970s confection – which literally explodes in your mouth.
  • Yellow tea. Well, I’ve never had a £20 cup of tea before. The making and serving of it was a theatrical event in itself. Lovely.

When I go again I’ll have the langoustine lasagne to start again, the delice of chocolate again – but the pot roast loin of pork for main course. Lee had this – it was divine, even better than my lamb.

The bill came to just over £1000 for five of us – this did include a bottle of champagne, white wine, two reds (2005 Cotes de Nuit I think), and a full bottle of desert wine – plus teas and coffees. Honestly, genuinely worth every penny. Heston Blumenthal clearly is a genius.

The William

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Ain’t no cure for the wintertime blues

I don’t do poetry.

There’s a famous definition of poetry – Professor Bergonzi’s definition – that says that if the words go to the end of the line, it’s prose; if they don’t, it’s poetry. This must be hard-wired into my brain because even if a few lines of a poem are quoted in a novel, my eyes skip those lines and jump straight to the nearest available bit of prose.

Shocking admission for an English graduate, but there you go. And hence I was a bit surprised this morning when a few fragments of a poem drifted unbidden into my head. Not any old poem either – a really rather difficult one.

I remember studying it at university and I really wonder if I understood it then as well as I think I do now. It seems to capture perfectly the peculiar depths of midwinter gloom. It also sums up how I’ve been feeling for the last few weeks. Hey, maybe John Donne merely suffered from SAD and needed some UV therapy…

So here we go. If you have a problem with poetry too, you are not alone. But read the first stanza at least. “The world’s whole sap is sunk / The general balm th’hydroptic earth hath drunk” is a fantastic bit of writing.

Nocturnal Upon St Lucy’s Day
being the shortest day

by John Donne

‘Tis the year’s midnight, and it is the day’s,
Lucy’s, who scarce seven hours herself unmasks;
The sun is spent, and now his flasks
Send forth light squibs, no constant rays;
The world’s whole sap is sunk;
The general balm th’hydroptic earth hath drunk,
Whither, as to the bed’s-feet, life is shrunk,
Dead and interr’d; yet all these seem to laugh,
Compared with me, who am their epitaph.

Study me then, you who shall lovers be
At the next world, that is, at the next spring;
For I am every dead thing,
In whom Love wrought new alchemy.
For his art did express
A quintessence even from nothingness,
From dull privations, and lean emptiness;
He ruin’d me, and I am re-begot
Of absence, darkness, death – things which are not.

All others, from all things, draw all that’s good,
Life, soul, form, spirit, whence they being have;
I, by Love’s limbec, am the grave
Of all, that’s nothing. Oft a flood
Have we two wept, and so
Drown’d the whole world, us two; oft did we grow,
To be two chaoses, when we did show
Care to aught else; and often absences
Withdrew our souls, and made us carcasses.

But I am by her death – which word wrongs her -
Of the first nothing the elixir grown;
Were I a man, that I were one
I needs must know; I should prefer,
If I were any beast,
Some ends, some means; yea plants, yea stones detest,
And love; all, all some properties invest.
If I an ordinary nothing were,
As shadow, a light, and body must be here.

But I am none; nor will my sun renew.
You lovers, for whose sake the lesser sun
At this time to the Goat is run
To fetch new lust, and give it you,
Enjoy your summer all,
Since she enjoys her long night’s festival.
Let me prepare towards her, and let me call
This hour her vigil, and her eve, since this
Both the year’s and the day’s deep midnight is.

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Timelords behaving badly

I have a sneaking suspicion that David Morrissey is Britain’s Greatest Living Actor. And as such I thought he’d make a cracking good Doctor Who. On the strength of the Christmas special though, I’m not so sure. Okay, I admit I missed the first fifteen minutes and I kept nodding off, but I was not impressed.

My wife was on the phone to one of our friends in the North, and I told her to mention my idea that he’d be a good Doctor. Only she mis-heard me and said that I thought Neil Morrissey would be a good Doctor Who. Which maybe isn’t such a bad idea. Martin Clunes could be his side-kick and they could turn the Tardis into a micro-brewery – hey, maybe not so micro! – and travel the universe getting sloshed on weak lager. Just an idea. My Christmas gift to you, BBC.

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The Owl Service

A few weeks ago for some reason I kept thinking about The Owl Service by Alan Garner, a book I’d not read since I was at primary school. I used to have a boxed set containing that, Elidor, The Weirdstone of Brisingamen and so on – long since lost.

I’m not generally a fan of fantasy and perhaps I liked this one of his books best because it’s grounded in reality – in some ways it’s just a cracking good ghost story. A girl called Alison on holiday in Wales hears scratching noises in the roof. When the housekeeper’s son investigates he finds a dinner service in the loft with a pattern that looks like flowers but Alison sees that they are really owls. She starts making paper models of the owls and very odd things begin to happen.

Browsing in a bookshop I spotted a single copy – the only Alan Garner book they had. So of course I had to get it. It was as good as I remembered but paradoxically it seemed to be rather devoid of the jealousy between the three main characters that I’d remembered.

Then The Owl Service I discovered that it had been adapted for TV by Granada in 1969 – the first colour drama they ever made. There’s an excellent article on the making of the programme – scripted by Alan Garner himself – and all the owly coincidences that dogged (owled?) its making.

I’m pretty sure I never saw the TV series, but having watched the first two episodes on DVD I’m struck how it looks exactly like I pictured it in my head; and the jealousy is all there again. Am going to ration myself the rest over the next few days like a box of chocolates.

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Christmas is a time for giving

My oldest friend Bruce Guthrie used to do a fine mock-homily, gently taking the piss out of the Church of England as she was practised in North Somerset in the late 1970s. It always started with him clasping his hands together and earnestly proclaiming “Christmas… is a time for giving.”

And as I’m sitting here watching the midnight eucharist on TV, it’s in the spirit of giving that I give you this story which I will attribute to Claire Bolderson. Apologies if I have misremembered this, Claire.

There was a televised mass coming from St Patrick’s Catholic cathedral in New York. At a crucial point in the mass where the sacramental bread was offered up, the TV director shouted down the talkback for one of the cameramen to “close up on the Host! Close up on the host!”.

The cameraman, who was Jewish, naturally took this as an instruction to zoom in on the officiating priest.

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