Author Archive for blogmywiki

Ain’t no cure for the wintertime blues

I don’t do poetry.

There’s a famous definition of poetry - Professor Bergonzi’s definition - that says that if the words go to the end of the line, it’s prose; if they don’t, it’s poetry. This must be hard-wired into my brain because even if a few lines of a poem are quoted in a novel, my eyes skip those lines and jump straight to the nearest available bit of prose.

Shocking admission for an English graduate, but there you go. And hence I was a bit surprised this morning when a few fragments of a poem drifted unbidden into my head. Not any old poem either - a really rather difficult one.

I remember studying it at university and I really wonder if I understood it then as well as I think I do now. It seems to capture perfectly the peculiar depths of midwinter gloom. It also sums up how I’ve been feeling for the last few weeks. Hey, maybe John Donne merely suffered from SAD and needed some UV therapy…

So here we go. If you have a problem with poetry too, you are not alone. But read the first stanza at least. “The world’s whole sap is sunk / The general balm th’hydroptic earth hath drunk” is a fantastic bit of writing.

Nocturnal Upon St Lucy’s Day
being the shortest day

by John Donne

‘Tis the year’s midnight, and it is the day’s,
Lucy’s, who scarce seven hours herself unmasks;
The sun is spent, and now his flasks
Send forth light squibs, no constant rays;
The world’s whole sap is sunk;
The general balm th’hydroptic earth hath drunk,
Whither, as to the bed’s-feet, life is shrunk,
Dead and interr’d; yet all these seem to laugh,
Compared with me, who am their epitaph.

Study me then, you who shall lovers be
At the next world, that is, at the next spring;
For I am every dead thing,
In whom Love wrought new alchemy.
For his art did express
A quintessence even from nothingness,
From dull privations, and lean emptiness;
He ruin’d me, and I am re-begot
Of absence, darkness, death - things which are not.

All others, from all things, draw all that’s good,
Life, soul, form, spirit, whence they being have;
I, by Love’s limbec, am the grave
Of all, that’s nothing. Oft a flood
Have we two wept, and so
Drown’d the whole world, us two; oft did we grow,
To be two chaoses, when we did show
Care to aught else; and often absences
Withdrew our souls, and made us carcasses.

But I am by her death - which word wrongs her -
Of the first nothing the elixir grown;
Were I a man, that I were one
I needs must know; I should prefer,
If I were any beast,
Some ends, some means; yea plants, yea stones detest,
And love; all, all some properties invest.
If I an ordinary nothing were,
As shadow, a light, and body must be here.

But I am none; nor will my sun renew.
You lovers, for whose sake the lesser sun
At this time to the Goat is run
To fetch new lust, and give it you,
Enjoy your summer all,
Since she enjoys her long night’s festival.
Let me prepare towards her, and let me call
This hour her vigil, and her eve, since this
Both the year’s and the day’s deep midnight is.

Timelords behaving badly

I have a sneaking suspicion that David Morrissey is Britain’s Greatest Living Actor. And as such I thought he’d make a cracking good Doctor Who. On the strength of the Christmas special though, I’m not so sure. Okay, I admit I missed the first fifteen minutes and I kept nodding off, but I was not impressed.

My wife was on the phone to one of our friends in the North, and I told her to mention my idea that he’d be a good Doctor. Only she mis-heard me and said that I thought Neil Morrissey would be a good Doctor Who. Which maybe isn’t such a bad idea. Martin Clunes could be his side-kick and they could turn the Tardis into a micro-brewery - hey, maybe not so micro! - and travel the universe getting sloshed on weak lager. Just an idea. My Christmas gift to you, BBC.

The Owl Service

A few weeks ago for some reason I kept thinking about The Owl Service by Alan Garner, a book I’d not read since I was at primary school. I used to have a boxed set containing that, Elidor, The Weirdstone of Brisingamen and so on - long since lost.

I’m not generally a fan of fantasy and perhaps I liked this one of his books best because it’s grounded in reality - in some ways it’s just a cracking good ghost story. A girl called Alison on holiday in Wales hears scratching noises in the roof. When the housekeeper’s son investigates he finds a dinner service in the loft with a pattern that looks like flowers but Alison sees that they are really owls. She starts making paper models of the owls and very odd things begin to happen.

Browsing in a bookshop I spotted a single copy - the only Alan Garner book they had. So of course I had to get it. It was as good as I remembered but paradoxically it seemed to be rather devoid of the sexual jealousy between the three main characters that I’d remembered.

Then The Owl Service I discovered that it had been adapted for TV by Granada in 1969 - the first colour drama they ever made. There’s an excellent article on the making of the programme - scripted by Alan Garner himself - and all the owly coincidences that dogged (owled?) its making.

I’m pretty sure I never saw the TV series, but having watched the first two episodes on DVD I’m struck how it looks exactly like I pictured it in my head; and the sexual jealousy is all there again. Am going to ration myself the rest over the next few days like a box of chocolates.

Christmas is a time for giving

My oldest friend Bruce Guthrie used to do a fine mock-homily, gently taking the piss out of the Church of England as she was practised in North Somerset in the late 1970s. It always started with him clasping his hands together and earnestly proclaiming “Christmas… is a time for giving.”

And as I’m sitting here watching the midnight eucharist on TV, it’s in the spirit of giving that I give you this story which I will attribute to Claire Bolderson. Apologies if I have misremembered this, Claire.

There was a televised mass coming from St Patrick’s Catholic cathedral in New York. At a crucial point in the mass where the sacramental bread was offered up, the TV director shouted down the talkback for one of the cameramen to “close up on the Host! Close up on the host!”.

The cameraman, who was Jewish, naturally took this as an instruction to zoom in on the officiating priest.

Never had the Latin

“I could have been a Judge, but I never had the Latin for the judgin” - Peter Cook.

Well I did have a bit of Latin and I was thinking the other day of The Aeneid which I did for O-Level. It was the only thing that made it bearable; that and our Latin teacher shocking us all to bits by using the F-word to describe quite what it was that Dido and Aeneas were getting up to in that cave.

I was looking it up on Wikipedia just now and the entry on Dido - Queen of Carthage (as opposed to Dido - The Singer, presumably) has this amusing paragraph: (bear in mind that prior to this Aeneas has slung his hook with his fleet and Dido has impaled herself on his sword and indulged in a bit of self-immolation on the marital bed…)

During his journey in the underworld Aeneas meets Dido and tries to excuse himself, but Dido does not deign to look at him. Instead she turns away from Aeneas to a grove where her former husband Sychaeus waits. T. S. Eliot once called this “the most telling snub” in Western literature.

Becoming more like Guy

Someone at work today told me that I am looking more and more like Guy Garvey out of Elbow.

Now that’s fine and dandy but it occurs to me as a bit odd as I’ve been listening to an awful lot of Elbow lately, so maybe the more you listen to a singer the more you come to resemble them. I think I should try listening to a lot of P J Harvey or Karen Carpenter and see what effect that has.

Myers-Briggs for Blogs

This website reckons it can analyse your personality type from the writing style of your blog.
ha ha ha ha
It took about 3 seconds to decide that I’m ESTP when on written tests I’ve always come out as INTP or INFP. Oh well.

The blurb is hilarious as anyone who knows me will agree, although the cartoon is spookily accurate…

ESTP - The Doers
The active and play-ful type. They are especially attuned to people and things around them and often full of energy, talking, joking and engaging in physical out-door activities.

The Doers are happiest with action-filled work which craves their full attention and focus. They might be very impulsive and more keen on starting something new than following it through. They might have a problem with sitting still or remaining inactive for any period of time.

(Thanks to Clare’s Diary for this!)

Martin Parr on Flickr

Someone on Flickr quoting Martin Parr on Flickr - he’s quite right, of course… there is a huge compulsion to conform to what will make an image that will be popular on Flickr. I do it all the time. So hard to be original and find your own style.

I also would say that a lot of the work on Flickr is generic. It looks quite modern, because you lot are aware of trends and the language of contemporary photography… But I cannot recall seeing a set of work that would make a stunning book.
Before you all bite my head off and tell me that you are all geniuses, you have to remember that there are over 1000 books of new work published every year and most of these tend to disappear after publication.The quality of this published work is high, but it is difficult to achieve the uniqueness that will assure you of a place in photo history.
It is a tough world out there, and I think that Flickr has a great contribution to make, but still feel it is unlikely that the next big photo star will come from this source.

Word association football

I was doing a bit of writing this evening and ended up at one point including the phrase ‘ee-ay-addio’ which had me wondering about its origins. Via Private Eye’s football reporter E I Addio, I ended up looking at football chants and then back to the nursery rhyme ‘The farmer in the dell’, where it comes from. The rhyme itself is alluded to in The Secret History by Donna Tartt (a book I love), and I’m pretty sure it’s referenced by Dennis Potter in The Singing Detective. It is also the source for the title of the book I am the Cheese by Robert Cormier. For some reason I’ve been thinking about Robert Cormier recently, even though I’ve not read any of his books since I was a teenager. I went looking for any surviving Cormier books and found a long-forgotten copy of the screenplay to Jules et Jim. 6502 wordsThat and After the First Death are stacked up as the next books to read. And back at my writing - it’s a story about a computer - I finished a second draft, did a word count and discovered I had written 6502 words. The very first computer I used was my brother’s KIM-1, basically a development kit for the 6502 processor, and my introduction to computer programming was 6502 assembly language.

How did I miss Radio 2?

One minute I’m kidding myself that I’m still too young to listen to Radio 2. The next minute I’m finding Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross’s phone calls to Andrew Sachs a bit puerile (and unlike most of the 10,000 people who complained to the BBC, I have heard them).

So that means that I’m now too old for Radio 2. What the hell happened there?!