I Want to Believe

Despite two awful reviews and a lacklustre one, and Mark Kermode on The Culture Show (see! I don’t just watch it because of his co-presenter!) saying in effect they have (warning! contains spoilers!) jumped the shark by getting Mulder & Scully together… I went to see The X-Files: I Want to Believe last night.

Yes some of it is corny. Yes it is just like a long episode of the TV show. Yes you’d be forgiven for standing up, applauding and walking out at the point early on when Mulder says “I want to believe”. Yes, they may have jumped the shark by getting M&S together, spoiling the delicious unresolved sexual tension between them that kept us watching the TV show for so long – but if someone said to me “do you fancy watching a feature-length episode of The X-Files on the big screen in the Empire Leicester Square”, then the answer is “Hell, yes!”.

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Another reading list

Here’s a good game… found on a blog called Never Judge A Book By Its Cover.

“Someone” [she doesn't say who] reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they’ve printed. It’s not the Big Read though — they don’t publish books, and they’ve only featured these books so far. In any event . . .

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you started but did not finish.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own blog so we can try and track down these people who’ve read 6 or less and force books upon them.

1. The Time Traveller’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger
2. The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
3. The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood
4. Lord of the Flies – William Golding
5. Life of Pi – Yann Martel
6. The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett
7. The Color Purple – Alice Walker
8. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
9. Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte
10. To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee
11. Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte
12. Nineteen Eighty Four – George Orwell
13. His Dark Materials (trilogy) – Philip Pullman
14. Great Expectations – Charles Dickens
15. Catch 22 – Joseph Heller
16. The Hobbit – J.R.R. Tolkien
17. Catcher in the Rye – J.D. Salinger
18. Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh
19. Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky
20. Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll
21. Chronicles of Narnia – C.S. Lewis
22. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – C.S. Lewis
23. Winnie the Pooh – A.A. Milne
24. Animal Farm – George Orwell
25. Brave New World – Aldous Huxley
26. Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck
27. On The Road – Jack Kerouac
28. Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens
29. Charlotte’s Web – E.B. White
30. Hamlet – William Shakespeare
31. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl
32. Complete Works of Shakespeare
33. Ulysses – James Joyce
34. Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad
35. Les Miserables – Victor Hugo
36. Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen
37. The Bible
38. The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald
39. War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy
40. Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck
41. Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
42. The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen
45. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon
46. Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov
47. The Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery
48. A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole
49. The Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien
50. Harry Potter series – JK Rowling
51. Little Women – Louisa M. Alcott
52. Tess of the D’Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy
53. Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier
54. Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks
55. Middlemarch – George Eliot
56. Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell
57. Bleak House – Charles Dickens
58. The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame
59. David Copperfield – Charles Dickens
60. Emma – Jane Austen
61. Persuasion – Jane Austen
62. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin – Louis De Bernieres
63. Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden
64. The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown
65. A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving
66. The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins
67. Anne of Green Gables – L.M. Montgomery
68. Far From The Madding Crowd – Thomas Hardy
69. Atonement – Ian McEwan
70. Dune – Frank Herbert
71. Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons
72. A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth
73. The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon
74. A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens
75. Love In The Time Of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
76. The Secret History – Donna Tartt
77. The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold
78. Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas
79. Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy
80. Bridget Jones’ Diary – Helen Fielding
81. Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie
82. Moby Dick – Herman Melville
83. Dracula – Bram Stoker
84. Notes From A Small Island – Bill Bryson
85. The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath
86. Swallows and Amazons – Arthur Ransome
87. Germinal – Emile Zola
88. Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray
89. Possession – A.S. Byatt
90. A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens
91. Cloud Atlas – David Mitchell
92. The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro
93. Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert
94. A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry
95. The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom
96. The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton
97. The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks
98. Watership Down – Richard Adams
99. A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute
100. The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas

So how did I do? Read 27 or 28, so a bit better than 6, piss-poor for an English graduate – and I only really loved 4 of them. Well, Hitch-Hiker’s Guide is a radio play not a novel, and The Wasp Factory isn’t Iain Banks’s best book, The Crow Road is, as any fule no.

Bit depressing. Of those four I loved, Donna Tartt is the one I’d fish out of the fire first. Man, can that woman write. She doesn’t write much – having made a career out of writing only two books in about 20 years – but she just puts you there like no-one else.

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They’ve All Gone Home

They’ve all gone home. All gone home. All of them.

And I am in here and she in there with her head on the desk and I am wondering what she is doing.

And I think if I keep playing music louder and louder then it will all go away.

We had a challenge in the office the other day to play ‘happy song’ tennis, we each had to play a happy song off our iPods or computers in turn. I could only find ‘Mr Blue Sky’ by ELO. I don’t think there is any other happy music on there but then my iPod and laptop are not on speaking terms so it’s a bit hard to do anything about that.

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Great un-taken photographs, number 73

Outside Tesco on the Strand in London this morning: hundreds of cartons of milk spilled all over the road and pavement. Title: “No use crying”.

I even had my camera on me and I still didn’t take it. It was raining a bit. And I just didn’t feel like it.

Meh.

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Forgive me father, for I have phoned

Hurtling as I am towards grumpy old mandom, I’ve only recently got the hang of text messaging – T9 predictive text in particular. It took me a little while to grasp the concept at all, but now I understand how it works (and I do think it’s bloody clever) I’m still a bit mystified by some of the assumptions made by the people who compiled the dictionary on my phone. (It’s a Nokia 2310, only £19 and surprisingly waterproof).

For example ‘an’ gets priority over ‘am’. Why? Didn’t they look at some sample text messages? Surely most of them consisted of something like ‘am on the train’ or ‘am on the way home’ or ‘am on a window ledge on the 13th floor’ – maybe I’m being egotistical, but isn’t ‘am’ more useful than ‘an’ as a first choice word?

It annoys me that ‘he’ gets priority over ‘if’ but I suppose that’s understandable – the champion texters on my train are all female and they probably have more cause to use the word ‘he’ than I do. My life by comparison must be a whirl of uncertainty if (there we go again) I need to type ‘if’ so much.

Sometimes there are nice coincidences. Try to type ‘kiss’ and you get ‘lips’, for example. Did they notice that somewhere in T9 or Nokia HQ? I like to think a poetical dictionary compiler did.

I had to send a message the other day explaining that I’d made a particularly difficult phone call. I tried to type ‘I have phoned…’ and it came out as ‘I have sinned…’

Yes, well, thank you and good night, Nuance Communications, your irony department has earnt their bonus this year.

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